Well... Here's the new home. Here's the new journal. I totally wiped out 8 months of my former journal from the other site. This is a big step. BUT I know that if I don't start posting again and making myself accountable I will begin a slow regain of my weight. In fact I have already gained some back.

I've been totally off plan for a week now. I'm finding it hard to gather the strength to "restart". I'm not motivated. I've lost the drive.

So I'm journaling. I'm planning. I'm preparing.

I got a binder and began putting together a weight loss scrap book. I'm trying to build a "visual" so that I can remember how far I have come so far. I've got to keep focused.

I read the Atkins cookbook again that I've had for years. I used to love to cook but lately I've just been eating the same old same old. I'm looking forward to trying some recipes again. I see that LindaSue is here.... I LOVE her recipes. I have a notebook FULL of some of my favorites. I had quit making them because of the fat content. Boy, I missed that.

I still feel like the puppy that peed on the carpet, though. I was so happy at kimkins. I lost weight; I had online friends; etc. Now I feel confused (but I'm finding my way!)

I have a "Happy Puppy" theory. You know how a little puppy will be so happy to see you that they lose all self control and sensibility? They just do what comes natural... and they feel so loved and happy. Next thing they know, they are getting whacked with a newspaper ... reprimanded for peeing on the carpet. They didn't understand that it was wrong.... it just felt natural.

Truth whacked me. I'm still having trouble wagging my tail. I don't want to get too excited. I'm afraid of getting whacked again.

... but like a happy puppy, scratch my ears and I'll forget about it and move on.

Regandy,
Welcome. I am sure when you get comfortable you will begin your journey again. I also was a member there and was impressed by your advice and help. You were a positive influence there and I know you will develop some great relationships here. Many of the people you were close to are probably here already!

I think many of us from KK are trying to figure out our next step so don't worry you're not alone, but if I see a newspaper heading towards you I'm getting out of the way!

What a good way to put things!

*scratch, scratch*

You'll be your happy self again soon!

Scratch, Scratch, are you wagging your tail yet. Becky, what you accomplished is awesome and very difficult. Regardless of Kimkins or Kimmers, you did it and you own it and no one can ever take that from you but you. So I'm going to give you some praise and then gently tell you to get back on track. This is a safe place for you to be and you need have no fears. No one is making a dollar from you being here, all opinions are respected and welcomed, and there is no single minded mentality or censorship. Just a bunch of people with some new ideas and some old ones who will encourage you, scratch your ears when you need it, and welcome you with open arms. All the best to you Becky!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH... FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!

*wag*wag*wag*

Regandy,

Welcome!! You're in the right place to get motivated!!

I think you'll like it here!!

Regandy Rumbles...I thought I heard a stomach growling!

hahaha... my "other" journal was "Regandy Rambles". I'm through rambling. I'm ready to RUUUUUMBLE! hahaha... Gonna wrestle this thing to the finish line!

Today is the first day. Today is a new beginning. I tell my students every single morning that it is a new day and that God's mercy is NEW every morning. It's time I start listening to my own sermons! hahaha

What am I going to do? hmmm.

Food?
Currently: sipping on a diet Dr Pepper

Breakfast:

I'm stuck. I don't want eggs.

............ come on Beck... think think think

The easy way out ... I'm just gonna fix me a Protein Shake.

Then I'm going to pick out my recipe for the week.
Then I'm going to try to do some "batch" cooking
Then I'm going to work on my Diet Scrapbook

Lunch? Taco Salad: Lettuce, salsa, ranch dressing, cheese, ground turkey

That's as far ahead as I want to go right now.

More later.

Hi Becky...I just wanted to welcome you and tell you I'm glad you're here. We didn't interact on the "other" site but I always enjoyed reading your posts, and your before and after pics are such an inspiration to me.

Hi vickie! I remember seeing your name, but yeah, we moved in different threads! hahahaha

I just want to drop in and document my "violation". Kimmerexposed.wordpress printed my admin resignation letter. They didn't ask permission. They used it for their own puposes. They took my words and formed them into ammunition for their own means.

So what does that make them? Spin artists in the same camp as Kimmer.

They also were including speculations on the "cruise". Here's the news on the cruise. I went on the same cruise last year with 9 of my friends. So far I have 9 of my friends who have signed up again. It's CHEAP and easy. ANYONE who wants to go and take advantage of the price is free to do so. There is no monetary gain for kimkins/kimmer/heidi etc.

I said that I wasn't going to post any comments. I don't want to get involved in any scandal or junk like that. BUT I couldn't help myself. I left a reply and told them how I feel about being "used". NEVER MIND what I think about all the "kimmer noise"... what they are doing is equally wrong. Consider your sources and at least ASK them if you can use their words... it's called "politeness".

There... there is my stand.

Good for you, Becky!

Hi! I remember seeing you lots on KK, and I loved your insight, especially your "I'm a loser everyday" page. I too left, and I'm happy to be here! It is confusing, but it's definitely for the best...

Kim

I like that--I'm a LOSER everday! GREAT word play!

Jimmy... right now while there are a bunch of us trying to get our feet back on the ground, you cannot imagine how much your short messages mean. Just the simple fact that you pop in and validate what we are saying helps... a bunch!!

Thanks again.

Kim -- Thanks. I need to re-read my own advice right now. I'm on an emotional binge! But ...hahahaha... I can say that I am getting ready to get ready to begin.

Hi Becky,
I'm Amy. I am slowly transisitioning(sp?) from the Kimkins website. I have posted with you before. I am the one who wouuld LOVE to go on the cruise, but am not sure if I can work it all out before then.

Hope you do really well, and I'm sure we will see each other around here!

Good Luck,
Amy

My pleasure Becky! I'm just happy to have you all here. What a blessing!

Hi Amy!

Welcome welcome welcome

The absolute LAST day to sign up for the cruise is December 11th.

They divided it up into 3 payments for convenience (July, October, December). You can pay at anytime if you find you can go. It's $346 per person (2 to a cabin = $692 + taxes & insurance). IF you find that you can go just email me and I'll send you the link.

You know, I think that when we finally get on that ship and see exactly how many we have there... it will be like a "milestone" of sorts! It will probably be an entirely different group than when we first started. I think the Kimkiners will probably drop out, but there are a few "outsiders" that are thinking about going. That's funny. Either way... 5 or 55 people.... I am looking forward to it.

Hi Becky - I'm still in for the cruise and am looking forward to it. I can't wait to see everyone in person and how little we may be.

I have talked a couple people who are interested in going in the last couple of days. I assured them that the cruise is still on and that it is not a "Kimkins cruise" but a bunch of people who found a low carb way of life.

Mary

Hey MerryC! Great. After the last letter that I sent out to the cruisers only 2 people cancelled... and it was because they were remodeling their house.

I think that we are going to have a nice little group.

See ya in a few months!

The Brain is a wonderful and crazy thing. I've been trying to get ready to try to diet again. I've been getting things sorted out... lists, recipes, etc. The first thing that I had to do was get rid of "carbs". Etc.

So today I finally decided to log everything into www.fitday.com just to see where I was sitting.

Totals Calories: 934, Fat grams 69, Carbs 19, Protein 59

Not bad. Just felt odd eating so much and call it "dieting".

I still want to keep my carbs under 20, but I was surprised that I HAD done it.. and I wasn't even trying. Okay, so I think I can get back on the horse. I think I'm ready to ride again.

Sermon this morning at church was about taking our thoughts captive. We were encouraged to focus on what is most important in our life.

The brain is a wonderful and strange thing.

Your macronutrient ratio is pretty good, Becky! Here's what I noticed it was:

47/40/13

However, your calories are a bit too low...really needs to be around 1200 a day in order to be a healthy basal diet. The best source for getting those calories up is to increase your fat intake through such healthy foods as butter, coconut oil, nuts, full-fat meats and cheeses, whole eggs, and more.

I agree, keeping your carbs down where they are is a VERY GOOD idea. Don't change that in the least. But adding in an extra 10-15g fat and another 10g or so of protein will get your calories where they need to be. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

Jimmy! Thanks... that was exactly the kind of guidance that I needed!

I don't like doing the "math" to try and figure out the ratios. There was a question on the forum one time about the amount of fat. I listed a "range", and then someone gave a formula for figuring out the ratios.

The LAST thing on my mind when I'm going to shovel something in my mouth is "math". hahahaha doh!

But here is the thing, I have learned that once I get into a routine and get a "feel" for the flow of something, the easier it is to do it naturally.

So... honesty time. Here's today's menu:
Breafast 2 eggs & 2 tbs of bacon bits
Lunch: Romaine salad w/ pepperoni slices, Ranch dressing
Snack:

snack....

OKAY... I crammed a piece of chocolate fudge in my mouth. The whole time I'm thinking... STOP IT!!!!! DON'T DO IT!!! But I did.

Dinner: hmmm... I've got a choice to make. I cannot blow off the rest of the day for ONE mis-step. AND if I think that by skipping dinner to make up for it will get me ahead, then I've learned nothing at all. IF I don't eat a healthy amount of protein to counter balance the sugar carbs I will feel bad. So tonight I want to make some taco turkey meat for a taco salad.

Stick to the plan... (don't get outta the boat! Never get outta the boat! ... hahaha... what movie is that from??)

Not bad, Becky...here are some suggestions:

BREAKFAST: Use REAL bacon and not bacon bits
LUNCH: Add some boiled eggs, nuts/seeds, cheese
SNACK: LOW-CARB chocolates like ChocoPerfection
SUPPER: Definitely EAT a high-protein/fat meal like steak, burgers--NOT lean!

This will put you right in line again. NO MORE CHEATS! Repeat after me: NO MORE CHEATS! You can do this...get rid of those temptations.

Yesszir...Yesszir.

NO MORE CHEATS! In fact, I just dumped what was left in the trash. A well meaning parent sent if for the school kids. I told them to take home what they wanted and the rest was going in the trash. They did and I did! hahaha

Bacon -- It's real bacon, just the kind in the packet that's precooked. Easier to put in eggs than trying to fry up bacon in the mornings. Thanks.

Gotcha! When you said bacon bits, I thought about those little round pebbles from Bac-os that are hard as a rock. DEFINITELY use the real thing like you're doing.

I'm proud of you for ditching the carb-age!

Hi Becky,

Don't be afraid of the extra fat and calories. I had a hard time adjusting to that too after the restrictions on KK. But it works!

And listen to what Jimmy says! He knows all!!!

Margarita

Hi Becky,

I loved your posts over at the other place. I'm glad to see you here and am totally amazed by your weight loss. Now I'm going to be encouraging...

You know you can do this! After K/E or Kimkins, this should be easy. Just look at this as a momentary blip. Just pick yourself up and continue forward! No need to look back, you couldn't change it anyway. You're in a much better place now and there are tons of people here who will be more than willing to help you if you falter. You've taken your first steps on you new WOE. That's something to be proud of. Right now focus on the positive, recognize the negative and learn whatever YOU need to learn from it but then let it go.

You've already lost 80 lbs. That's a testament to you and your will power. The credit is all yours! Don't let events of the recent past diminish what you've already done or get in the way of what you need to do. {{{{HUGS}}}}

Kaly

OUCH! I don't know about "knows all," but I have been through the ringer myself.

Today's Totals:
Calories 1159
Fat 93
Carbs 12
Protein 70

OMG... That is unbelievably high.

but here is the breakdown...
Breakfast: Designer Whey chocolate Protein drink w/ splash of cream (1 oz)
Lunch: 2 cups romaine w/ diced pepperoni, chopped yellow bell peppers, & Ranch Dressing
Snack: Pork Rinds & Avocado and Cream Cheese dip
Dinner: Broiled Salmon Steak
Snack: SF Jello

mmmmmmm... not hungry here!

I was SO proud of myself. I picked up an apple, but sat it back down. I thought about the frozen cake in the bottom of the school freezer, then thought about how old and dried out and nasty it was. I thought about... PLANNED AHEAD... what I was going to do when I got home.

Jimmy... If you pop in for a quick visit, I have an idea. I really appreciated having my menu evaluated. Do you have a thread for that? If so, where? If not, that would be a great place for many of us to "relearn" and retrain our brains on this WOE. Thanks again.

>>>>>>>>> Will work for stickers!! <<<<<<<<<<


Love Language == Words of Affirmation!

(Gary Chapman's book "The 5 Love Languages")

Most women have that Love Language (LOVE GARY CHAPMAN!!!!).

Today's percentages: (DUH! I finally saw where "fitday" does that for you!)
F/P/C = 71/21/8

Fat is too high, and protein is too low. But it was soooo good.

More grilled salmon for dinner tonight! I love those single packets that Walmart carries of the different varieties of fish. They taste so fresh. Having grown up on the Texas Gulf Coast I tend to be a little "picky" about my seafood. Growing up, my dad would go fishing or shrimping when he got off his shift, before he came home. We had shrimp or fish every single week like most household use ground beef. On weekends we would go and stay all day at Galveston Beach and "surf" fish for Reds. Ahh... back in the day. Beaches & water were clean. We played in the sun for hours. I had so much fun playing in the sand, hunting for sea shells, and jumpin' waves. At least 3 or 4 times a year we would head up to East Texas where the lakes are and camp out, fish, swim, and have SO much fun. NOTHING tastes as good as food cooked on a campfire that you had to "obtain" for yourself!

My dad would work a lot of overtime and save up all that money for a family vacation. We traveled to every state in the U.S. except 5, AND throughout over half of Canada. I've had fresh clams and abolone from the West coast. I've had Cheasapeake bay oysters at a church dinner on the East Coast. I've had Alaskan King Crab from the North. AND even had Maine lobster .... but alas, only from the grocery store. I haven't had the privilege of going to Maine YET.

My memories aren't ALL about food, but I was just going in that direction because of the Salmon I'm having for dinner.

I disagree that your fat is "too high." It's IMPOSSIBLE to have too much fat, but it is not good to have too much protein or carbs. My ratios are regularly around 65/30/5, so you did MARVELOUS, Becky!

I am so very tired of kimkins...kimmer... lawsuits.... bla bla bla bla

I'm going to treat this the same way as my divorce. I'm turning the page. The marriage is over. We became "incompatible". I don't care who "kimkins" is dating now. I don't care. I'm ready to move on. I'm turning the page. I'm ready to move forward.

EVERY SINGLE TIME I find myself drawn to see what is happening, I also feel myself drawn to stuff my face. I hear that she NEVER lost the weight, let alone kept it off? .... I feel the need to feed. I see another one of my posts reprinted on a slam blog... I feel the need to feed. I read the long post of a woman's tragic childhood and rape ... I feel the need to feed.

I've always had a habit of stuffing and burying my feelings.

I sat in church tonight feeling every bit of the weight that I have gained. I KNOW that my mind lies to me about such things and I'll be weighing in the morning, but tonight I'm having to calm my fears.

Tomorrow I am taking a group of High Schoolers to the zoo. One of the grandparents is sending money for me to take them out to eat... at the zoo. Zoo food. I don't want to get the ice chest. I don't want to go buy ice. I dont' want to fill the van up with gasoline at 8:00 in the morning when we are supposed to be pulling OUT at 8. (I checked and the last person to use the van left it empty

This is very similar to "depression" except that I don't feel sad. I just don't want to do anything. Everything feels like a struggle. There is constant anxiety. I mean, I know that it will pass.... I KNOW that God is in control. It is just an interesting observation.

My thought is that the fear of gaining and switching diets is probably working in the back of my mind. ONCE I begin to see some movement on the scale, then I can "believe" again.

Time for bed.... big day ahead tomomorrow.

Hey, Ms. Becky!

I found, just in trying to overcome procrastination, that the tasks that make me tired and weary aren't the ones I DO ---- they're the ones I DON'T do, that are just hanging over my head, nagging me, wearing me down.

I can exhaust myself thinking about them - or, I can do them and feel energized.


Likewise, feelings about painful issues.

I can FEEL them - or I can EAT them.

I can ignore them, and feel heavier and heavier, until I turn to food for some familiar, comfortable feeling.
or
I can fully feel what is real at that moment, whether anger or sadness or remorse, confusion or fear or whatever.

Tasks undone and feelings unaddressed do not go away.

We just get stuck there, and the pile grows.

I hope you FEEL better soon! {{{hugs}}}

Hang in there, Regandy! This too shall pass and everything will be made new again.

IN DUE TIME!

It is VERY disturbing to see a Private Message reprinted WORD FOR WORD in a blog, ESPECIALLY if you know it was address to you! A PM that Kimmer sent me was used as ammunition on an Anti-Kimmer blog. I DIDN'T DO THAT. I don't play that way. I will give them credit though, they didn't use my name. LAST time they did that I let them know that I wasn't happy about that. It's still sad. I no longer think that there are "spies" running around but rather "hackers" that are doing that. Wow. Don't know what to think about that.

AND I will say that the first couple of encounters that I had with SingingLass at LCF weren't positive.... just mild disagreement on my part. BUT to know that SingingLass deleted old posts and SOMEONE was able to "google" them and REPRODUCE them is down right scary. She shared her heart about childhood abuse and a rape... she went back and deleted them, so she thought. AND there it was... the link to the deleted posts hanging out there in cyberspace. The most painful part of her personal private life that in a moment of "cleansing" she shared with a "thread" of people she considered friends NOW splashed to everyone on a blog as ammunition. Wow. Don't know what to think about that.

THEN... AND THEN... I open the new Kimkins Newsletter in my email. AFTER I PM'd Kimmer that the cruise would NOT be exclusively Kimkins... AFTER I sent a letter to all the cruisers concerning that... THERE IT IS. SHE PUTS A BIG AD IN THE NEWSLETTER. Why? I KNOW why. That was a blatent IN YOUR FACE jab at the naysayers. I can hear it now, "I'm so sorry, I thought you meant .. bla bla bla". I'm upset, to say the least. A few good friends tried to warn me to CUT IT OFF QUICKLY... but NOOOO ... I thought I ccould delicately handle it. Nope. They were right. This isn't looking good. Wow.

AND I'm still on a slow and steady gain. Gained a couple more pounds this morning. I'm 5 feet tall and 50 years old. PERHAPS I cannot eat the quantity of food that I am trying to consume. The older a person gets, the less food that they need. I am NOT active. I do not exercise very much... sporadically. I've got to get something going... and not in the direction I'm headed right now.

Well, all for now. Gonna go try to get a grip on some of this junk.

You know Becky regardless of whether Kimmer ever lost weight, you did, and you own it, so be proud, not depressed!

Did you know the cruise is still being promoted by you know who for the members of that other site? Just got an e-mail about it today...FYI!

Yep... that is part of my angst this evening. I think someone tried to warn me to pull the bandaid off quickly, but NOOOO... I thought if I did it gently it wouldn't hurt as much.

Wrong.

I sent an email to her. The web page should be removed soon. Meanwhile I suppose I need to compose yet ANOTHER letter with perhaps a little "stronger" language to make SURE that everyone understands that I am no longer on kimkins.

Sigh.

This is like a really bad divorce.

You'll get through this. Let me know how I can help.

Hey Becky - Deb here. I was trying to find your exit post re the cruise - but must have deleted it. I have a friend who is talking about signing up for the cruise, and wanted to know if Kimmer was going to be there - along with Christin, Deni, etc..... I have chosen to not talk about IT all - but did tell friend a bit, since she didn't know ANYTHING was going on.......she doesn't know if she wants to go on the cruise now - afraid it might end up being a 5 day "bashing" session (my DH was concerned too). I assured her that I wouldn't be doing any bashing and that I was positive YOU wouldn't and that others wouldn't (who wants to spend 5 fun filled days doing/saying negative stuff?)....and I shared with her what an incredibly classy lady you are. Anyway - send anything my way about the cruise that will help friend make a decision.

I'm so sorry this is all being like a divorce for you! Been there, done that - right?! We, who have been there, can understand why we wouldn't want to go through something like that again! You are in my prayers. Anything I can do?

debbie in AZ

Hey Deb!

I am doing my very very best to try and get all the "junk" worked out so that we can have "smooth sailing".

Kimmer isn't going and never intended on going and hedged and finally refused to even do a video greeting.

Christin and Deni are still signed up and excited about going. There are still 58 people signed up and going. I'm sending out another letter to all the cruisers tomorrow with a little clearer explanation about exactly what kind of cruise it will be and what it WON'T be. I don't want any misunderstandings.

I was VERY very surprised to see it splashed in the Kimkins newsletter. I emailed her and asked that it be taken down. She replied that it WOULD be taken down and replaced with the recipe contest. ONCE that is done it will become what it was originally intended to be.... a group of wonderful people who have met online and want to enjoy each other's company... and have a relaxing vacation at a bargain price.

At first, you know we were going to try and have a group meeting. Well, with so many changes, I am wondering if it wouldn't be better to just have a low-key "meet n greet" for a couple of hours one day... and then leave it up to everyone to decide when and where they want to hang out.

Christin and I are meeting this weekend at a halfway point to discuss it a little more.... but more for just a "face to face" GAB session... at the mall. We are doing a Texas Opry Show in that town anyway so it was just very convenient.

You had been a little quiet lately and I was hoping you were just remaining neutral and "taking care of business"! hahahaha. I'm SO ready to turn the page and move on. I am PAST ready to put it totally behind me.

I've upped my calories and fat and I am quickly gaining.... almost 15 pounds now ... BUT I"m not giving up. I think I'm just eating too much.. too too much for my height, age, and lifestyle. I've got to get back to using fit day more thoroughly AND ... sigh.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I need to start "moving"... time to walk. blaaaaaaaa

I started in earnest about 3 days ago... tweaking, experimenting, watching, logging, and <sigh> walking. Tomorrow or the next day I should have a clearer indication of how things are going.

Talk to you later!!

Weight is the same today.

NOT only that but I actually feel pretty good.

I'm thirstier than usual.

I just wanted to drop a note in my journal and record that. As I said in the previous post... I'm back to doing exactly what I did when I started kimkins.... experimenting.

Back to the lab! hahahaha

Your weight will start coming off. I would be willingto bet that 10 lbs of that gain was water and just your body adjusting to healthier low carb eating! Don't worry about it, you'll be back down in no time. Take your time. We're not in Kimikins land where its a lose as much as you can per day" mentality. I am still trying to shake that and stay away from the scale. I know it will move on its own

I am also sorry your diviorce with Kimkins has been so hard and ugly.
It will all pass in due time.

I don't know you, but I look forward to getting to know you. Let me know if I can do anything!

Thanks Kim.. I really appreciate your kind words.

You are correct. That is part of the reason that I wrote that I didn't gain today and I was very thirsty. I think they are connected. My body is ready to flush the fluids! hahaha

DRINK UP to your health, Becky! I'm very proud of you, so don't be discouraged. LOVE YA!

yes Becky I bet you stayed the same because your body stopped and wenty SCREEEECH! WAIT I AM GOING THE WRONG WAY!
he he he!
I betcha!

And your welcome, we all are trying to heal and recover somehow from the trainwreck that is Kimkins.