I met this woman back in December, and we have emailed quite a bit, and talked on the phone. I have known all along that she is a sports writer, but I was thinking for a local newspaper or something. We scheduled a date for Friday night, dinner, possibly a movie, innocent enough, and I have really been looking forward to it.

She called me on my way to work this morning, and said she needed to move the time a bit, from 7:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. because she has to cover something, and she is under a strict deadline. So, I asked who she wrote for, and she tells me ESPN I think this is a really cool woman, and it has always been a fantasy of mine to date a woman who is really into sports, but now that I know she probably knows more than I do, I am feeling weird about it. I am also feeling somewhat inadequate, since I know she probably earns substantially more than I do.

I have spoken with two of my buddies, and they both think I need to cancel. But she seems like such a great person, I really want to get to know her more. I am just so afraid that she is going to be dissappointed with what I have to offer.

I could really use some unbiased advice/help. Maybe I should not post this kind of thing. I just do not know where to turn right now. Most of my buddies are all settled into marriage and families, so they tend to give me poor advice, that ends up making me look like a sex-hound/pig.

I wouldn't listen to your buddies!

You need to find out for YOURSELF how you get on with her.

Ok... about the "knowing more about sports or <insert topic here>... maybe she won't want to talk about work. Maybe you'll have something else to talk about... And... if you restrict all your personal interactions to people who know less than you do about a topic... life will be boring.

And... she might make more money than you do.

Ok, maybe it's because I cut my teeth on the Women's Movement in the 1970s, but this is about as silly as rejecting someone for their weight.

You have no clue what she earns... just because she works for ESPN doesn't mean she makes $$$$$$$.

Maybe she writes for a penny a word!

Regardless.... you're being prejudiced... and it's just not nice! I know it's a "cultural" thing that men have to earn more money than women, but it's just nonsense. It's so "last century" thinking!

Plus, you're making ASSUMPTIONS... and you know what they say about "assume"... it makes and ass out of you and me.

Give it a chance.

Be yourself.

I moved this to the Forum Free-For-All, Simon! Just BE YOURSELF and don't worry. You're a handsome guy and will do GREAT!

Either way, let us know how it goes, Simon! CONGRATS!!!

Simon,

I'm going to give you the feminine point of view. First of all as my DH says "no calls, no sales". If you don't go out with her, you'll always wonder what might have been. It's so hard for single girls to find a great guy these days and vice a versa. If you suddenly drop her like a hot potato, she will never know why. Maybe she didn't tell you she was with ESPN for that very reason.

If a girl likes you, then it doesn't matter if she makes more money then you do or whatever. That might be an assumption on your part anyway, all writers don't make the "big bucks" you might think they do.
I have a guy friend who dated a girl who was a producer for CNN. She worked with Anderson Cooper and some of the big names over there, and she made an average income. So don't let that stop you. Go get em tiger!

If she has any sense, she wouldn't have agreed to see you if she had no interest. If you cancel now, she's likely to be really disappointed!

(Just MHO, but I think your buddies are jealous.)

Also, generally speaking, guys who don't think they are God's gift to the world are a *lot* more attractive to women than guys who are obsessed with themselves.

Hi Simon2Cents...

Ever think she might be as nervous as you? She's an expert on sports, not dating and relationships, so the two of you are starting off even.

Suppose the letter you wrote read this way, instead:


Hey, best girl friends...big problem brewing and I really, really need some advice.

I met this man back in December, and we have emailed quite a bit, and talked on the phone. He has known all along that I am a sports writer, but I let him assume it was for a local newspaper, definitely not the big time press. We scheduled a date for Friday night--dinner, possibly a movie--innocent enough, and I've really been looking forward to it.

But I had to call him on my way to work this morning, because I needed to move the time up a bit, from 7:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m., because I have to cover an event, and I'll be writing under a strict deadline. I asked whether the time change would be convenient for him, and he replied, "sure," then asked who I wrote for. Without even thinking, I answered, "ESPN." If the silence was any indication, he was profoundly shocked.

So, I think this is a really cool man, and it has always been a fantasy of mine to date a guy who is secure enough not to be intimidated by the fact that I probably know more about sports, and locker rooms, than he does. But now I'm feeling really weird about it. What if he cops an attitude, bowing up, acting all macho, and defensive, when he realizes that I probably earn more money than he does?

I have spoken with two of you, so far, and you both think I need to cancel the date completely. But he seems like such a great person, and I really want to get to know him better. I'm just so afraid that he is going to be disappointed with who I am, and what I have to offer. I mean, will he really see me, the woman, or is he just curious to meet a female sports writer, for bragging rights with his buds? Will he understand that I am not the job--I am the woman behind the job, and that my career is just a small part of who I am?

Will he bow and scrape to me like a big phony, because he thinks I'm a minor celebrity, or will he be confident enough in himself, and liberated enough in his attitude, to just enjoy spending time with me...to treat me like any other woman on a date, getting to know an attractive man? Can I just be myself with him, and can we just let whatever develops, develop? Is he dating the glamor, or the girl? I don't know how to tell him, without sounding like a stereotypical retro feminist, but the only thing he really has to offer me, that I cannot provide for myself, is the best of himself.

I could really use some unbiased advice/help, here. Maybe I should not ask ya'll this kind of thing. But where else can I turn, if not to my girl friends? Most of you are already settled into marriage and family, and you act all envious, and pretend to think I live the glamour/glory life as Miss Free and Single. You give me advice as if I were a sex starved nympho. So, be serious, for once, and tell me...how do I get him not to judge a book by the cover, but to flip through a couple of chapters of my life's story, and read about the real me? And not a single one of you had better write back anything about scoring!

Ginny, the ESPN Sports Princess


Please take some advice from a silver haired old granny..your young woman has already thought of all the things you've thought of, only from her distaff point of view. And she still wants to go out with you, enough that she did not cancel the date--can you imagine the pressure of writing to a deadline, how stressed and tired she'll be--but asked to reschedule for an hour later. The lady wants to meet you. It's that simple. Now, the only question is, do you really want to meet her?

Go for it. Have fun. Laugh. be yourself, and let her be herself. You've come this far for a reason. Find out what it is.

Chrysalis

Thanks Melodie. Did you consult my sister before posting? She said almost the same thing

I had actually called canceled on her voicemail, but after talking to my sister I called back and asked if we could maybe do something Saturday, so we have plenty of time together. She hasn't called back.

Is the sexy shoes picture you? It's really killing me. Very hot!

Valerie, thanks. I hope I have not let my head get the best of me by calling and cancelling and re-scheduling. You are right about most of my friends. They all idolize being single like it is somekind of non-stop orgy (I wish ).

Chrysalis, that is deep! Thank you for that perspective on things. I do tend to bow up and act like a jackass when I am unsure of a situation. Reading what you wrote actually made me feel a little less weird, and I am looking forward to the date again. Now if she will just call. I hope I have not screwed things up.

Maybe you could offer her a serving or two of your humble pie?

Chrysalis

Remember...she's just as nervous as you are. It's normal when facing the unknown. Sounds like you're in *flight* mode and looking for any excuse. It's just a date. Who cares who makes more money. You're not making a lifetime commitment by one date. Whether it works out or not, it's an opportunity to make a new friend if nothing else. Would you have the same worries if you were meeting a new buddy?

Relax and have fun!

And as for your friends...it doesn't sound like you should be looking to them for advice.

Hey Simon!

Personally, I think you're adorable! I'm wondering even though you now have a new, slimmer figure, if all the fat worries are still in your head? It sounds as if you're running that negative talk tape in your mind, so don't do that! You sound like a GREAT guy! Boring? Doesn't sound that way to me. If I had a guy who was into home remodeling, I'd scoop him up in a heartbeat!

One of my dreams has been to be with someone who is on the same page as me, who would love to buy an old house and restore it. She might be really into that!

And if she has a job that has strict deadlines and she's running around like a nutball to get things at her job done, then it wouldn't be such a stretch to think that she might LOVE a nice, calm guy like you to take her in your arms and allow the world to go away for awhile.

Hugs,
Lori

Of course, when you've been overweight in the past, it's hard to get over the feelings of inadequacy--especially about the way you look and think about yourself. Obesity messes you up, but THANK GOD for livin' la vida low-carb, right?

Hi Simon,

I hope she calls you back and I hope you go out with her! You've been talking to her since December? Don't you think if she was going to intimidate you with all her sports knowledge, it would have happened already? Don't worry about that stuff! Just be yourself and you'll have a great time!

Great post, Chrysalis!

Hugs,
Carrie

Jimmy,

You are so right. It' so hard to get those "fat" images out of your head. We so often don't see ourselves as we really look. When I go shopping for sweaters I still always buy a size large, then get them home and they are too big. I wear a medium and have worn a medium for a long time now. DUH!!

Hi Simon!

I hope she calls you back and you set another date.

I'd like to tell you about a conversation I had with my coworkers recently. She's a very tall, very sweet woman, and, among other things, an athlete. I'll call her Sally. She was telling me what life was like before she met her now husband. It was hard for Sally to date because men felt intimidated not only by her height, but by her success as an athlete. And when she first met her husband she was worried that he'd not be interested because he's a food service manager and she's an athlete and a fundraiser. Sally almost stopped seeing him because she thought it was a real issue. Apparently he was nervous that she'd think he had nothing to offer her. Sound familiar? Well, they've been happily married now for five years.

My husband nearly decided not to "pursue" me because he thought he wasn't successful or interesting enough for me. And he's the best thing ever!

Best of luck, Simon! I'm sending you good vibes.

Best,
Susan

PS. If you look half as good as this picture of yourself--man--you're attractive!! And that shirt you're wearing--that's a great color on you! (What a woman thing to say, eh?)

Carrie,
Good point!

Simon
Your a great looking guy, don't worry about that part. Listen to everyone here,
We all know better, you will be fine
sandi

Thanks everyone. Still no call. I have never really dated a sucessful woman before. My buddies usually hook me up, with women who are model perfect, but no signs of intelligence (not saying that a woman cannot be attractive and smart, just saying that I am a bimbo magnet).

This woman seems to really know what she wants and how to get it. I guess that is what is so strange for me. It took a lot for me to even ask her out, because she is so busy, and everytime I would call or email, I never knew what to say, and always felt like I was bothering her, or that she was just being nice. When I did finally ask her out, it was more of a joke. She emailed me about some guy she had dated, and told me what a moron he was, I just typed If you went out with me, I wouldn't be like that. and she said I'd like to judge for myself. So I called her, and it was a date. I don't really know her. She is a friend of a friend's cousin you know how it goes. We have crossed paths a few times over the past few years, and I have always thought she was fun.

I wish she would call already. I'm really kicking myself.

Hi Simon. Hmmmmmm...... if she doesn't call then it is definitely her loss cause you seem like a really stand up kinda guy and are cute as a button. Whoever said you look good in that shirt was right! Maybe you should think about getting a couple of new buds that are more supportive, have more in common with you, and don't sell your short! That's just MHO. I have two gorgeous sons, and that's the advice I'd be giving them. Good luck. Pat

Thanks Patricia. I am making a note to myself to buy more blue shirts You are all so sweet. My friends are really a good bunch, they are just trying to live vicariously through me, since I am the only single one, and I never really dated much until recently. They really are a group of pigs, but the good kind I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

Still no call . The guy I am riding with keeps telling me that I am being a wimp about all of this. I am going to give her until tomorrow night, and then I will call or email or something. This is driving me crazy.

Scared money never wins Simon. Take a deep breath and know you are in control. If she doesn't call then you will call her.

Wow - all I did was go to bed and all hell breaks loose

Seriously Simon, you have sooooo much to offer. You have a growing legion of fans here and we all think you're fabulous - not just to look at but to talk with - how else could you be part of this group if all you had to offer was what's on the surface???

Trust me, the guys that you probably think girls are looking for are a dime a dozen - so what if you're not in some high flying, executive type career? Many of those guys live to work (I know I'm stereo typing but I'm trying to make a point). I earn more than my hubby and he doesn't give two hoots. It's no big deal. It is generally a guy thing to worry about that, but trust me it means nothing. My hubby took a pay drop to leave the police force coz it was ruining our family life. He put me before all that. That means a lot to a woman.

Your job and volunteer work tells me that you are the kind of person who cares about people, and *THAT* is very attractive to a woman. You've kept a house that belonged to your dad and you're painstakingly renovating it. You are teaching yourself to cook so you can take better care of yourself. You're not afraid to ask questions and to ask for help when you need to. All these things tell me a lot about you. You are obviously a sensitive guy - maybe a little insecure about yourself. That probably does come from the weight issues (I know it did for me) - just listen to all the ladies here - we know what we're talking about. Take her out, be yourself and relax. Let the rest take care of itself. If she has any instincts at all, she will see the kind of person you are - just be genuine.

I'm cheering for you

BTW - if she wants references - point her to us!!!!

I agree Simon. You're a great guy with a lot to offer. If she doesn't call back then she's a fool!

I'd call her back and "make sure" she got your re-schedule message. (We girls love it when you look for excuses to talk to us again. )

Just be yourself and remember, as my grandma always used to say, "you are both made of the same dirt!" LOL So none of this negative thinking about yourself, OK?

Simon,

Man to man...

You are going about this wrong.

From your avatar you are a good looking guy.

As a person you have a lot to offer.

Here is a secret about all relationship and how they are successful. It comes down to one thing. "Big Smoochy Love".

Love doesn't need to have a good pay check, love doesn't need you to have a six pack. Love makes sex better, love raises healthy kids, love mends the wounds in tough times.

Both you and this woman and looking for the same thing - Love.

All the rest is window dressing.

Are you a fella that can love - hell yeah! All people can.

Ignore your married mates. LOL Bad advice there!

Nothing hotter than a woman that earns more than you! Show me the money!

Happiness is not about money.

What happens to those married couple in their sixties? Both are retired. They enjoy each other company, they do things together, they are companions.

Simple, down to earth.

Don't be afraid mate, just go out there and risk it! Just keep putting yourself out there! It's about the person as a human being! Underneath all the job titles we are all the same! We all need someone to care for us when we are ill!


When we are worried about our inadequacies, we forget the needs of others.

Think about this, You just might be what this woman needs to make her life happy! You never know!

Just do it!

WOW... i like gossip.. this is pretty juicy... ok here are my 2 dollars worth...

YOU BOOB!!! can't believe you called and cancelled... you big boob!!!
ok enough of the yelling for today...

i really hope she does call you back... but she's probably busy and didn't get back to you or she didnt get the message... or she lost her phone... whatever the case is... i hope she calls you back...

if anything and she does not call you back i'm free friday AND sat:D ... so what time should i be ready? it might take you a while to come pick me up (i think you're in the east coast if i remember correctly and if thats wrong i dont know what i was thinking...) ha... i live in cali... anyways... back to the point... i'll wait... haha... i think my hubby's working the weekend... just kidding...

if she doesn't call you then call her or shoot her an email saying i dont know if you got my message or not but i had something come up on fri and if we can possibly reschedule for sat... i'd love you see you then... blah, blah, blah... call me when you can... simon

that sounds pretty good huh? see i'm good for something... haha... jk...

good luck!!! and if this was a really old email and you already went out or she never called back... sorry

LUV IT!!!!

Dave, you are fabulous yourself matey. Your girl is lucky to have you!

Pinkie - you are tooooo funny

LOL! You guys!

See Simon, all you have to do is ask. We'll be more than happy to help you lose weight and run your love life too. LOL Hope she's called by now. If she doesn't she's going to have a lot of us to deal with here

Come on Si - you're on line. We're all waiting for an update!!!! Spill the beans!

I was getting here I am not sure what is going on, or how to explain it. She called me this morning on my way home from work, and said that she got my message, but that she has a 3 strike rule, and so she is not sure what she wants to do. I guess the 1st strike was with the deadline, the 2nd when I called to cancel, and the 3rd was because her phone battery died, and she couldn't find her charger to call me back last night. I don't get it. I didn't know what to say and just told her to figure out what she wanted to do and call me either today or tomorrow. This really ticks me off and I am not even sure I want to play these games.

Simon, are you sure that it's the "games" that tick you off or is it all of the doubts you posted about still coming through?

Didn't you cancel with her because of those doubts? Give it a chance-you don't know what's going to happen. You might go out with her and find out she's not what you are looking for. But you won't know for sure if you don't go.

(This is all meant in a nice way and not any other. )

Oh boy, that's a bit confusing then????? Maybe she's thinking that you seem a bit ambivalent anyway (what with the cancel call) and that's frightened her off a bit.... a three strikes rule seems a little inflexible tho. There could be a bunch of reasons she's backed off - maybe she's been hurt in the past and is scared to take a chance.

I've been married over 22 years hey? I am so far out of this scene it's not funny. One of my best friends is newly seperated and she says it's *the* hardest thing to meet new people that she seems compatible(sp) with and to start dating again.

Maybe just wait and see for now - don't be too ticked off, I would say she's definately picked up on you uncertainty

Thanks Robin and Vee. You are both probably right, maybe she is tired of my games. I didn't really think I was playing any though. I do still have a lot of doubts about our date. I guess I'm insecure. I always thought I would be settled down by now, and have a life. Maybe I am getting too desperate? I can't keep doing this. Maybe she'll figure it out. I am thinking about sending her an email, but feel like maybe I am beating a dead horse. I am just not sure what the rules are here.

Vee, you don't look old enough to have been married that long. That's really great. I love the pictures, it is nice to see who I am talking to

Hi Simon. Just wanted to say that I was just kidding about giving up your friends, I wouldn't give up my friends either. But, it's nice to know that along with all your other great and desirable attributes, loyalty is right up there too. I mean, wow, you're defending them even after they are giving you questionable advice. You rock Simon! Hmmmm, maybe we could start a new singles, match making thread???? LOL Pat

Hi Simon, in a previous post (I mentioned something about you probably being too old for my daughter and too young for my sister) you said you believed that God has a plan for you. Keep the faith, He does.

IMHO I would leave the ball in her court and see if she calls you. If she doesn't then you can decide what to do from there (if anything.)

You have ALOT going for you and some girl is going to be very lucky!

Thanks Robin. You are right!

Patricia, I don't have enough energy or strength to defend my crew I just realized that I was making them out to be a bit unappealing didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. Although, I think deep down most of us men have pig like tendencies

I would be very afraid of a match making thread on here. Over the past week, I have surprised myself by bearing so much here. I am not usually open like this. I can only recon it's teh annonominity (how do you spell that?) of it all. You all know a lot more about me than I want most people to know

Simon, you are not alone. One of my best friends (he's my trainer) is like you and women absolutely love him. He's a great guy, he's 39 and I hear exactly the same words from him. I'm glad I'm married. It's hard to connect with people out there. I wish men and women would think of each other as people and then maybe they could drop the pretenses and stop the games. You could try coming clean and tell her why you canceled. She might understand more than you think and feel more secure that way.

Simon you really are in a safe place here. We only want the best for you. I believe that many of us have sons and as I said earlier, any advice I would offer you I would also offer my two sons. Now, whether they'd take it or not is another matter. The oldest one probably would, the younger one is still at the rebel stage. I think the bottom line here is that you have to do what YOU feel comfortable with, we are only offering suggestions. I could definitely introduce you to some terrific & single young ladies I know, but unfortunately the geographics aren't great. Did I mention that I live in British Columbia, Canada!!! LOL

Simon, I agree with you about the anonimity (sp?) - I post more about myself online than most people know about me (other than DH and maybe my therapist! )

I agree with PatriciaM,

Hey Robin M. I just had a look at the photo of you with your lovely family and it made me sooooooo want to go on a holiday!!! LOL By the way, great brows. LOL some more. Pat

One more thing Robin, if you spend enough time in this forum, you can probably let go of that therapist.

Maybe I need to move to Canada How does EMS work go up there? I really appreciate all of the advice, and the unique perspectives,and you all tolerating me so well. I have a lot of great people in my life, but sometimes feel weird talking about stuff like this with them.

Melodie I really like the idea of sending a come clean email. I think I will do that, and then let the cards fall where they may.

Thanks again for all the wonderful advice.

Pat, LOL! We are cruising to the Western Caribbean this December. I will post a new pic when we get back. Maybe one where my eyebrows are more noticeable (sp?)! LOL! This time we are going with another couple instead of the kids.

And as far as spending more time on this forum . . . . I've been pretty much glued to it since I found it! It is my lifeline on my journey to my goal.

Simon, keep us up to date! We're rooting for you!

wtf... you dont need a girl that plays games and has a 3 strike rule... how old are we guys... we are adults, or in my case pretending to be one, and there shouldn't be no games... these dating rules are simply absurd... if you like someone dont wait 3 days to call... just call and set something up... if he does this or that... i think it's simply dumb...

my hubby called me the next day i gave him my number... i hate playing games and i loved that fact that he was straightfoward... my boyfriedn before that was the same way... he called me the next day i gave him my number...

good luck... i'm usre there are a zillion girls that would love to go out with you and thats just on this site... hahaha...

good luck... keep writing... i like gossip, even though its about people i dont know...

Robin. Lucky you! I'll look forward to that picture (the one featuring your eyebrows). Pat

Good luck, and you're welcome.