I want to discuss this topic, so that I don't feel alone.

I don't want to discuss it to be negative, but to inspire change and to spur us on to new heights.

Do you feel being obese and super obsese holds you back from a lot in life.

I know I've heard a lot of people deny this, but I think they are kidding themselves. Well maybe they aren't as big as I am, or was.

When I was pushing 475 pounds, let me tell you there wasn't much I could do. In fact I had all sorts of wierd physical problems.

Those problems are gone, but I'm still fat.

Unless you have been big, you don't know how the world treats you. I once thought if we could change other people, we can be more accepted as human beings. But now I realise that humanities potential for nastiness can't be stopped in this life time.

I know being obese:

* Keeps me in a job I don't like
* Keeps me depressed, physically & Mentally
* Stops me from buying clothes at a normal shop (no sizes)
* Makes me afraid of going places and flying on an aeroplane.
* Stops me going to parties and socialising, becaus eof the way people ignore you.

In general it's no fun.

This is why I need to get rid of the flab!

oh I so agree with you
and I's like to add, to many people they see your heavy and that means your stupid. I see that all the time.
yes Life is on hold. I wont go on a plane, sit at a booth
etc etc, worried always about something
and what do I do, I eat
wicked circle

My DH is a wonderful wonderful man who loves me no matter what size I am. In doing so he is also oblivious to how others "see" me. Many times over the last few years I have told him about weight bias or weight prejudice (this is what I call it) - where I am judged by someone because of my weight. Within minutes (second actually) when DH introduces me to someone new I am dismissed by them because of my weight. For a long time DH told me it was my insecurity due to my weight rather than an actual dismissal by the other person. In time he was finally able to listen to me and the possibility that I was right.

I have learned to not let it bother me (so much!) and to learn that is was the other person's loss if they judged me by my weight and not who I am. Of course I have been seeing a therapist for 3 years . . . . . with the hope that I would learn why I get to a certain point in my weight loss and then sabotage myself. Or why I didn't do anything to lose weight when I know I needed to.

My weight keeps me

-from meeting new people
-from doing many things that I want to do/learn/try

just to name a few.

I owe the kick in the pants to finally restarting my weight loss journey to a 3 year old girl named Hailey. I was in the Navy for 4 years and we go out boating on the lake or river at least twice a week and yet I still don't know how to swim. My weight has kept me from doing so many things. And it took me awhile to feel comfortable being on the boat in the middle of the lake. But I never got in the water no matter what as I was afraid I would drown.

But what does this have to do with Hailey? Well, we took Hailey and her 2 sisters and her mom out on the boat about a month ago. After we got down the river a little ways we stopped the boat so those that wanted to could swim. (Everyone except me.) 3 year old Hailey jumped off the end of the boat into the water over and over again. She had no fear; she didn't even plug her nose like her 7 year sister did. I thought to myself . . . . . when do we learn fear? Anyway, it really got me thinking!

What was I afraid of that kept me from living my life fully? I won't go into all of the places my brain took me from there . . . . . . but that's when I decided to stop letting fear guide my life. The next time we went out on the boat (2 days later) when we stopped to swim I got in the water! Sure I had a life jacket on and I didn't get very far from the boat but I did it! And the following Monday I started a low carb WOE!

My weight has kept me from really experiencing life fully. Fear of ???? kept me from really living. Thanx to Hailey I have decided that FEAR IS NOT A FACTOR in my life! I will be successful reaching my goal and living life . . . . . really living life for the first time in years!

First of all, Hugs for you guys ..I deal with this stuff too, and, with bieng on Atkins, I'm less inclined to take it. I'm not nasty or anything, just a bit more assertive.
I used to get heckled so much by teenage morons leaning out their car windows, when I was on my bike , I wanted to sew " kiss this" in the back of my pants . ( I never could figure that one out - they hate me because I'm fat, I'm doing something about it , and they hassle me about it? What's with that?

Dave I hear you about the job thing . I know I'd be more successful transferring to sales and out of the call center at a more socially acceptable weight.That's my goal when I get down to my ending weight.

What I really hate is how it physically holds me back. I have stong legs from riding and I have the endurance to run, but my belly fat slows me down.

Dave, I was right there with all of those things swimming around in my head when I was obese. In fact, I'm convinced I couldn't move on with my life until I got my weight and health under control. It's as if there was some force field preventing me from going to that next level until I proved myself somehow.

Low-carb weight loss success broke those chains of bondage from me and now I'm free to be the man that God created me to be. These past four years since I lost my weight have been some of the most remarkable years of my entire life. And the best is STILL YET TO COME!

You're gonna get there, too, Dave! GO FOR IT, buddy!

Yep, I had all of that. The worst for me was uncontrollable gas. And it got worse when I was nervous, so I would be in the middle of something important like giving a presentation or talking to a woman and this huge stinking beef would slip out, and I would be embarassed.

I believe that being big prevented me from finding "Ms. Right" between the flatulence and the uncontrollable sweating, I did not stand a chance.

Cheers to no more farting and dripping, Simon!

Susanmarie, Overly sensitive . . . . those were the words I was looking for when describing what DH thought . . . . . not insecure! Sometimes I just can't express myself as well as I would like!

Simon, have you since found "Ms Right"? You are probably too old for my daughter and too young for my sister!

Simon, you are right . . . . I am sure God has a plan for you. And you will probably meet her when you least expect it! After I posted that I realized my daughter wouldn't have appreciated it because she does have a boyfriend of 3 years!

Susanmarie, I didn't have very many family pictures for a long time. Then I read something about that being selfish because although I may not have liked what I look like . . . . my family would still want pics of me to remember me when I am gone. So altho I still hate it I do let others take pictures of me when they want to. I am so looking forward to reaching goal so that we can go have a really nice family portrait done.

Weight Discrimination - that also fits better than weight bias and weight prejudice!

I have been thinking about starting a blog . . . . . but even tho I know what I want to say or what I mean sometimes I have the hardest time expressing it verbally (or in writing!); altho it makes perfect sense in my head!

English major in college here, too, Susan! It's a curse, ain't it?

My biggest problem was not that people noticed me because of my huge size---but they just ignored me or yet looked right through me---I was essentially invisible

I had to be the most vocal---the brightest---the ultimate overachiever to get any recognition at all

but to those who feel like you have to put your life on hold until after you lose the weight---DON"T----start living now---the weight loss will only improve things

Yes, being invisible is horrible, but it's also so disconcerting when you do lose weight and people treat you radically different. Back in 2001, I lost 70 lbs. in just a few months and was not prepared for the attention. First, there was the sudden attention from guys--whoah! I was not prepared for that. And suddenly I wasn't invisible anymore to everyone around me. Part of me really craved this, but another part resented it all. I was still the same person, why couldn't you see me before?


But then there was the negative response to my weight loss from some of my close friends. My two best guy friends--a gay couple I used to room with--lamented about how I wasn't as fun anymore, I wasn't "their Sue" anymore. Sigh...



~Susan

I went to an amusement park last spring. I only had about 30 pounds off at the time. I went on several big rides. There is no way I would have done that if I hadn't lost that weight!! I would have been afraid that I wouldn't fit in the seat of the roller coaster etc. Well I ended up getting sick and had to quit the rides. That didn't have anything to do with my weight!!! lol Next year DH and I will take the little one on rides and just watch. I can't even take him on the merry-go-round without getting sick though!!

Dave, this is a great albeit painful topic. The list of things I missed while near my highest weight are so many: amusement parks, running around the park or my yard with my son, sailing with my husband, participating in school events because I was invisible, the time and energy and heartache I have spent on grieving over being invisible, travel, sexy clothing. Eventually, the way I was treated and the hur caused me to let my world get very small. Since we have moved following my hubby's career 6 times in 14 years, my world world got very lonely. My AHA moment came when I decided that I would not lose more time with my family. I am still invisible to alot of people, but this summer I spent a wonderful summer at Disney World and Sea World. I swam with dolphins and went boogie boarding at the Jersey shore. I have the stamina since I have started walking in a big way and I did lots of things with my kids. I use that as a cattle prod when I get lazy about my eating. I want to be down another 70 pounds by next summer, so that I am not so self conscious doing all of these things. A toast to changing one's mindset and lifestyle to be and have all we want out of life.

I am right there with you guys on everything you've said. I won't go anywhere that I have to fly due to fear of humiliation on not fitting. I used to worry about restaurants (not as much anymore since I've lost 75 lbs).

The biggest thing I look forward to is getting out more socially. I have tons of confidence in every part of my life except the social part. My friend is chomping at the bit to set me up with people, but I had to tell her to give me time. I'm just not there yet. I don't feel comfortable in my appearance yet and if I don't feel comfortabe then I won't have fun.

Everyday my confidence is growing and I know in time I will get there.

The more weight you lose, the more you realize how much of life you were missing out on. DON'T GIVE UP everyone, DON'T EVER GIVE UP! It's so worth it in the end.

Oh boy, I hear ya! I've written a lot about this on my blog... prejudice, size acceptance, etc.

I suppose starting out low carbing at 420lbs more than qualifies me for this unenviable club.

The fact that we are all on our road to being and staying healthy is quite empowering and while many people will still perceive a very overweight person a certain way, YOU know that you are taking action - all the best to you Dave and everyone else taking this journey.

Jimmy is an awesome roll model and your in good hands

Cathy, you're a pretty awesome role model yourself!

I think everything I do has been affected by my weight. At every point in my life I can remember how much I weighed during that phase. I feel as though I have put my life on hold until that golden moment when I can weigh a normal weight --- the only problem is - My life is now!. I try to get out and do things but I definitely hate some activities more than others.

I agree with Bamgirl - that would aggravate me to. I think I would even be hurt if someone wanted to be my friend that did not want to when I am fat.

Bamgirl - How much weight have you lost??

Thanks everyone. I really enjoyed this.

Sonja

Live in the NOW, but make the SOON TO COME even better by getting your weight and health under control in the meantime. YOU CAN DO THIS, Sonja!

All societies are conditioned to have certain aversions. Currently, there is an aversion towards people who are obese. It wasn't always that way. I don't see it changing anytime soon but it does teach us a valuable lesson as individuals. When the media and the population in general starts demonizing a segment of the population whose behavior doesn't conform to what they've decide should be the new standard, we need to ask ourselves if we really want to jump on that train.

The older I get, the more I see hatred as a daily way of existence.

Was talking to my fiancee about my weight last night, and all this repressed stuff came out about my daily experience. I just unloaded my subconcious.

Virtually every person I interact with treats me as a 'less than', yet when I mention stuff like this, there are plenty of folks to tell me to stop whinging on the forums.

I can do something about my weight.....but Also I can treat other obese people with dignity and respect.

That is something we can all do beyond our own health, is to treat every human with dignity an dlove no matter what disability, or difference they have.

Well said, Dave! But remember you are ALWAYS something more in the eyes of God and He will always think of you as the important and special person that you are. Don't ever forget that, my friend!

Sonja---I've lost from a high of 375 and now weigh 154---trying to get down to my lowest weight of 130

Dave---my therapist has me routinely do an exercise of positive self talk---when those negative thoughts come pouring in your brain shut them down by shouting NO!!---people may look at you funny when you do it---but it shuts down those thoughts that make you second guess yourself

I had a similar issue at Six Flags San Antonio. I swear I'm not going back until I'm thin.

Luckily for me the guy I'm with loves big women. I flat out told him not to expect me this way forever. We just started dating. He is not thin, but not large either.

I guess I just hung out with the right crowd. I didn't have those feelings of rejection because of my weight. That's the benefits of a small town. I grew up with everyone. We knew each other from the inside, as well as the outside. I moved away the last 2 years of high school. During that time, I lost 60 pounds and returned to my hometown a new slim person. As a matter of fact, I was unrecognizable to some. I was the one, who became a little snobbish. I would not date anyone that I knew. They were my buddies. No interest in a relationship. Remember, we all knew each other (HA!)

I met a neighboring town boy and we married 3 years later and have remained married for 29 hard years. Hard because of my weight. He never knew me when I was obese. Nor would he have dated me had he known me, so he has told me. After the birth of our children, I allowed myself to balloon way above any 60 pounds that I once upon a time lost. My highest I ever got was 2 lbs from making it to 300. Did I tell you that my DH was embarrassed to be seen with me? As a child, he would duck down in the car when he was out with his mom and sister because they were overweight. For years, I chose to quit going out in public with him. In case you are wondering, neither one of us has ever stepped outside the boundaries of our marriage. Yes, I say that with the greatest of confidence. We are deeply committed to each other. Anyway, a few years ago, he, finally, matured. I, then, started my weightloss journey. We do things together again. I still have a lot to lose. I have chosen to not hold any grudges. Incidently, he now pops in frequently to check out what I'm doing on the computer. You think he's becoming a little insecure? [DH has remained his "high school" size throughout the years. Very physically active.]

When I started staying home, I quit doing things that I really loved. Like swimming and going on vacations. I just got larger and larger. I went to work, the grocery store, and home. One day one of my doctor friends told me about Atkins. I changed my life, when he taught me about low carbs. Now that's a friend!

I have never forgotten the feelings of how great slimness feels. I am so glad that I am on the way to a healthier life style with all the wonderful benefits. For all of you that have never been slim, you'll see what I'm talking about. Just stay on the path.

I can't believe I just posted my personal life. I am such a private person, but today I felt compelled.

Living Healthy,

I am glad you shared, too! I also grew up in a small town--from 12 years old on. I did not have quite the same experience--in fact, it was much harder for me to fit in there than it was in a large city where I had lived my first 12 years! We all do have different experiences, right?

"[DH has remained his "high school" size throughout the years. Very physically active.]"

Those darned husbands! Mine never seems to pay as much for his mistakes as I do!

Bamgal,

You are certainly an inspiration. That is an amazing weight loss!

My highest weight was 257 (approximately 120 to 130 lbs overweight for my height 5'4"). I've been overweight since age 9 or 10. In high school though I was about 170 at my highest and never got above a size 16. I was short, fat (by their standards), and had bad acne. This did not make for happy high school years. I was in a small town high school, but did not grow up with these people as I went to private school through 8th grade. I was picked on a lot. Guys would walk behind me saying things like "boom-baba-boom-baba", girls jumped me for no reason, I was accused of being a snob because I was PAINFULLY shy, people stepped on the backs of my shoes to try to trip me, a girl bounced basketballs off my head in gym class...the list goes on. I actually had a girl prank me by ordering a wedding dress in my name and shipping to my house C.O.D. By high school graduation (1991) I was a bit smaller due to abusing speed which I stole from my mother's purse. College lead to more weight gain due to poor eating and alcohol/drug abuse which lead to even more poor eating. I found a group of friends that accepted me, but unfortunately those "friends" introduced me to excessive partying. I avoided the scale in those days, but I was around 200 pounds at college graduation (1995). I married my husband about 2 years later and promptly put on more weight. Quit smoking 2 years after that and gained more. I never put any real effort into dieting until 2005. So far I have lost about 71 pounds (had lost a little more but had a small gain). I look forward to reaching goal and being able to say I've lost 120+ pounds. My husband is losing weight along with me and has always accepted me and told me I was beautiful no matter what size I was. My life as I know it began when I married him and he gave unconditional love, but weight loss has just made it better.

Living Healthy, THANKS for sharing your story. It's nice to know others go through some of the same feelings and emotions that we do, so don't stop feeling "compelled."

Diamondwife,

I am happy that you have a husband who loves you just the way you are! I have one too! He is quite a catch, and I am so fortunate to be with him. I really can't see how I could be who I am without him. We are having our 22n't anniversary on Friday. It's so weird to think that I have known him twice as long as I haven't known him..


Kristi

My husband and I met in youth group at church, then didn't see each other for years. We got engaged 3 months after we started dating, I was 23, and got married a year later.

HI DAVE & EVERYONE

I BEGAN TO READ YOUR BLOG AND MY HEART SWELLED UP WITH EMOTION &TEARS YOU SAID EVERYTHING THAT IS IN MY HEART AND MIND I FEEL THE
ABSULUTE SAME WAY. BEING OBESE HAS HINDERED ME FROM SO MUCH
AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE SHORT CHANGED MYSELF IN LIFE BECAUSE I'VE ALLOWED SOCIETY TO DICTATE MY SELFWORTH. I AM SO GLAD THAT WE ARE ALL ABLE TO EXPRESS OURSELVES IN THIS MATTER. ALOT OF PEOPLE WILL
NEVER KNOW THE BEAUTY THAT PEOPLE LIKE US CARRY BECAUSE THEY HAVE
CHOSEN TO BASE THER DECISIONS ON OUR PHYSICAL FORM, BUT UNFORTUNANTLY
SOCIETY AND TV HAVE CREATED THIS IMAGE. AND THATS WHY WE HAVE PEOPLE WHO ARE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF( KIMKINS) JUST TO BE THIN AT ANY
COST. SOCIETY HAS DICTATED WHAT THE NORM (IN THERE EYES )IS BUT I'TS
UP TO US TO TAKE BACK WHAT WE'VE ALLOWAED SOCIETY TO TAKE FROM US
AND LEARN TO LOVE OUR SELVES BECAUSE WE ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULY MADE AND GOD HAS CREATED EVERYTHING IN BEAUTY
GOOD JOB GUYS
SHARPEI

In fact, I am going to stop being so fussy about having my picture taken! How's that for being brave?? I may even post one....


Kris