I'll post this in the 30s plus area, cause that's my age.

Do you ever feel that you weren't prepared for adult life?

So many of the myths we thought of when growing up, simply don't apply.

What about the idea of being a millionaire by 30?

Or that you work hard, study and get a job that you love. Does anyone really prefer a job over family time?

The idea that we get that dream job?? Some jobs are btter than others for sure - but it's still work!!!


Also, we were all the priorities that were taught to us..about things other than being happy?

Maybe it's because if you want to, you can be happy on very little posessions.

We stress so much about things, we really we should be stopping to smell the roses.

Millionaire by 30? Never heard that one, Dave, and somebody owes me $999,999.98 because all I've got is my two cents worth from life so far.

Actually, my 30s have been wonderful! I have finally let a lot of emotional baggage go. I ran 4 5ks. I really have a sense of myself and can't wait for the rest of it. I lost 40 lbs on LC and only have 20 more or so to go.

I guess I do kinda feel like I screwed up and lost my 20s and now I have to achieve a lot of things now. Not achieve to keep up, but achieve things I want. I want to learn to speak another language..those kinds of things. Do you guys as men feel that way or is it all $ based?

I agree Hilary! My life was pretty much wasted until I lost weight on low-carb in 2004. I FINALLY feel like I have purpose in my life now for the first time ever. It's a strange, yet freeing feeling. I LOVE IT!

my 30's have been a struggle but I survived
Death, sick babies, husband died,
I got thru it. With the lord's grace/
sandi

I'm learning to enjoy being in my 30's. I am certainly enjoying better health! But as for feeling like I'm an adult.. nah. I doubt I ever will feel grown up. I feel like Tom Hanks' character in Big. Ack.. I'm a kid in an adults body!!!

I recently asked my husband..."so, when is it we're supposed to feel like grown-ups". Could be because we don't have kids, could be because we are young at heart and laugh a lot. It could also be due to losing weight (both of us) and getting a new lease on life.

Wow, this really struck a chord with me. This is extremely long/rambling:

Dave, I definitely don't feel like I was prepared for adult life. Maybe my goal wasn’t a million, but I thought I'd be successful and have it together long before now. Heck, because of some awful things that happened in my early to mid twenties, I didn't even get to college until I was 26. I was married and then a mother at 30. And now I'm 35 and while I'm in a good job with great benefits, I'm not making very much and am certainly not the success I always thought I should be.

I never dreamed I'd be living paycheck to paycheck at this age, or renting an apartment, not owning my own home. I just had a really late start. My husband did as well, before we even met. So, I guess we should just think of ourselves as 22 year olds. Maybe that would help?!

I must say that at times it seems that things come easier for some people. In high school I never really planned for my future. And I don’t remember anyone, parents included, talking to me about how I might go about that planning. So, I graduated from high school with no college or work plans and I ended up being a manager at a fast food place. That would be fine, but I was always arty, always writing, always reading. And then my life went down a dark hole and I don’t even know how I got there—drug-addict boyfriend, abuse and other unmentionables. I resurfaced several years later and did end up going to college, but I racked up over $30K in student loans—while working a full-time AND a part-time job. Yikes!

I feel I could go on and on, but let me try to get to my point:

I tend to feel horrible about my position in life. I see that everyone else my age has it all together and it makes me sad and angry and confused. But, as you say, why is there this pressure? Thank you for the reminder: I must stop and smell the roses. Let me remind myself of what I do have:

- A husband who is kind, intelligent and darn funny
- A 4-year old son who is the best of both his parents and also uniquely himself
- A job where, while boring at times, I have my own office, flexible hours, great benefits and potential for growth.
- On my job I have access to a plethora of free/inexpensive cultural activities. I work at a college and staff members are encouraged to attend lectures and performing arts events.
- I have interests. Some never find a passion, but I have two wonderful activities that make me feel alive: reading (LOTS!) and my new love of fine art mosaics.

And let’s not forget that I’m well on my way to a healthier Susan. I have now lost 20+ lbs and my clothes are getting looser and looser. More importantly, I feel so incredibly good. I feel so much lighter. And while it’s easy to get mired in the negative at times, overall I feel much more positive.

My dreams seem far away at times. I don’t thrive in an office environment. I’d love to be my own boss, able to work on art and teach others. But I must start somewhere and I choose to start now. I’m not sure if I’m talking about the same thing you’re feeling, Dave, but I must say “thanks” for bringing it up. I feel really determined right now and am seeing things in a different light.


Best to you and all,
Susan

Yes to all three of those for me, too, Lisa!

SusanMarie...I could have written your post, replace 4 year old with 8, 9 and 12 year old, drug addict boyfriend with drug addict husband, 30 thousand dollar school loan with stale degree... so on and so forth...

I don't think I ever spent very much time thinking about my future and my plans, It NEVER occured to me that if I had wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer or anything for that matter that i could become one. Looking back now, I know I was smart enough, I just didn't have any direction. That is why it is a major focus for me to make sure that my kids KNOW that there are options out there. I know this is going to sound crazy coming from an overweight, 30 something, Retirement Plans Project Coordinator but by golly I could have joined the marines after high school...I just didn't know it...

Anyway, I have come a long way over the past few years and am more physically, emotioanlly and spirtually fit then I have been in a long time, I have accepted who I am

I know long and rambling but SusanMarie's post really spoke volumes to me....

ok I am crashing in since this conversation is interesting!
I promised I will go back when I am done.

For me the 30s were the worse.
Ok long story I will make short but all my life I wanted to be a soldier. Yes a female soldier since I lived very close to a base and saw people in uniform all the time. The life the travelling the everything spoke volumes to me and I wanted to be part of the world to make a difference.
So at 17 right after highschool I joined.................
Anyway by 30 I was married and had 2 babies but felt like the military wasn't an option to me anymore......I didn't want to go away for months at a time and I didn't want a babysitter to raise my children so I got out.........you wanna see a depressed housewife? I was one..........I left my career,my paycheck to stay home to be a WIFE!! I was lonely for female company (I will admit to being picky since I had a different outlook then most people) and I was eating just to eat and was seeing the weight come on. I went to being the fitest person I could be to total and complete opposite. I was embarrassed after awhile if I saw friends I knew from my "past"
Ok now it isn't so bad being a wife and mother in fact I think it's great but when you are in the prime of your life and go from one extreme to another, it's a shocker..........it's a decision that was made for the good of my family and they are better for it.
Right now in my 40s I am working full time, money sucks but I am happier doing it.
The only different thing I would have done for those years was to find a course or something to better my education for when my child raising was done or at least a little more free.
I think as long as you are happier and not living homeless and have people around you who love you, that will be your great joy of all.
Took me a long time to figure THAT one out.

I also lacked direction. My guidance counselor, which I posted about some time back, convinced me I wasn't smart enough for college, so I never believed it was worth my time and effort. Now I look back and could kick myself (or better, him!) for not trying. I just didn't know I had the talent or ability.

Wanda, I understand what you are saying. I'm currently taking my photography lessons so I can work part time here and there, for myself, while my kids are home. Then when we've raised them and they are off living their lives (and don't need Mommy anymore ) I will not sit moping around missing my kids and wondering what I'm good for. My family is everything to me.. but sometimes you feel isolated. I'm a homeschooling, stay-at-home mom. Sometimes you forget that life exists outside of your home. (Thank goodness for the internet! It's the only adult conversation I have sometimes! lol)

Anyway, a good friend told me she gave up all her dreams and outside activities to "properly" raise her daughter. Then she realized one day that no one had asked her to give those things up.. she just assumed she had to in order to be a good mother. When all was said and done, she is now a better mother because she has outside interests. And her daughter is doing just fine despite her Mother's extra interests.

(have I babbled on long enough???)

This thread made me think of the song "Gone" by my favorite Christian band, Switchfoot, it talks about how everything that you thought was important, especially in your youth, will be gone. And of course the moral is to cling to what is truly important (look up). This is what I have learned in my 30's.

I LOVE Switchfoot, Katrin! They have made some truly awesome songs for the past decade plus (I used to be a music buyer for a chain of Christian bookstores in VA).

For those interested, here are the lyrics to "Gone" by Switchfoot:

She told him she’d rather fix her makeup
Than try to fix what’s going on
But the problem keeps on calling
Even with the cellphone gone
She told him that she believes in living
Bigger than she’s living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards
And upsidedown
Don’t say so long in the cellphone
Don’t spend today away
Cuz today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone,
Like history is
Gone, just trying to prove me wrong
And pretend like your immortal

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every day we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the edge (infinity)
Where your treasure, where’s your hope
Forget the world and lose your soul
She pretends like she pretends like she’s immortal
Don’t say so long
Your not that far gone
This could be your big chance to makeup
Today till soon be

Gone, like yeterday is gone,
Like history is gone,
The world keeps spinning on,
Your going going gone,
Like sumemr break is gone,
Like saturday is gone
Just trying to prove me wrong
You pretend like your immortal your immortal

We are not infinite
We are not permanent
Nothing is immediate
We’re so confident
In our accomplishments
Look at how dark it is

Gone, like Frank Sinatra
Like Elvis and his mom
Like Al Pacino's cash nothing lasts in this life
My high school dreams are gone
My childhood sweets are gone
Life is a day that doesn’t last for long

Life is more than money
Time was never money
Time was never cash,
Life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills
And oh the town fills
Life more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings
And up in wills we got information in the information age
But do we know what life is
Outside of our convenient Lexus cages

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every moment that we borrow
Brings us closer to the God who’s not short of cash
Hey Bono I’m glad you asked
Life is still worth living, life is still worth living

Watch this pretty creative interpretation of this song by some fans of Switchfoot on YouTube. This was actually pretty good!

THANKS for sharing Katrin! No regrets about what has happened...instead, live for today and be the person God meant for you to be.

Jimmy, I agree about the no regrets thing. I had a rough 10 years or so with abusing drugs, alcohol, tobacco...I could keep going. And I did some things that make me cringe, but I refuse to have regrets. That doesn't mean I'll do those things again. That just means I repented for those things, they are in the past, but they also have had a hand in making me the person I am today. It is a lot easier to be compassionate when you have had low times in your own life.

I think we all have "stuff" in our past we have learned and moved on from. It's a part of what shapes us TODAY and we wouldn't be the same people had we NOT gone through those interesting activities of a bygone era. You ARE better able to help people going through similar circumstances when you have risen triumphant over that same scenario yourself. KEEP SHINING Lisa! You are a remarkable example of overcoming whatever life throws at you. I'm honored to know you.

oh Lisa, I can absolutely identify sweetheart. I wouldn't change a thing about what Ive done in the past either. Jimmy, Switchfoot is awesome, when I used to do preteen camp a few years ago with my Church kids, it was the one band that got them thinking about really deep things.

Jars of Clay, Thousand Foot Crutch, Audio Adrenaline, POD...I could go on and on! This ain't the church music our parents had!

I've been reading this discussion with great interest. At 32, sometimes I feel like I am trapped in a Hostess Twinkies commercial asking "Where's the cream filling?!" Is this where I've been headed for the past 32 years? LOL, I walk around sometimes wondering when I will be an officially licensed adult.

There is that longing for something MORE in life. But the actual definition of what MORE is, remains elusive. The media defines it one way, our parents defined it another. With so many definitions we lose track of thinking for ourselves.

So we go about our lives blindly trying to get more of whatever MORE might be. For some people it is material, others spiritual, and the list goes on.

For most of my twenties, I was making some great choices and some not so great choices. At that time, I was searching for my definition of MORE. I was waiting for it to suddenly appear. I felt like Linus waiting in the pumpkin patch for the Great Pumpkin. That is, there was hope on my part that it would some how just come to me. It dawned on me later, rather than sooner, that I had to take an active role in creating my own happiness.

For me, MORE is about personal happiness, safety, love, fulfillment, friendship. It has become much less about the material, and much more about making a difference in the world, to our friends, neighbors, each other. You can't take the money, big house, and cars with you.

I wish everybody here success in finding and marching to the beat of their own drum. I wish everybody continued success in creating their own definition of happiness and fulfillment. It is a daily challenge, but I think we will all make it!

Kristen

WOW. I wish I could post longer...will have to reflect as life duties call...

LOVE the song....and the thread

I will be back (33 year old here)...

Welcome Kim! We'll see you back here when life calms down a bit (does it ever REALLY?)...

Well, I'm in my 30s and it has taken several years for me to get used to that idea. Turning 30 was the worst birthday ever....very depressing.

I don't feel as if I lack direction or anything like that. I don't wish that anything were different in my life, as I feel that everything I've done and every place I've been has brought me exactly to where I am today. Perhaps if I had done things differently I wouldn't have the debt that we have now, but perhaps I also wouldn't have my loving family, or my home, or my job or whatever.

I generally feel pretty good about where I am in life. We have plans and goals, but we live one day at a time. Sometimes when I talk to my 15 year old son, I can so vividly remember my thoughts and feelings from when I was 15. It seems so UNREAL to me that my 20th high school reunion is coming up next year! It seems like just yesterday that I was there, anxiously awaiting graduation. I try not to tell my kids that I know how they feel, because I know they won't believe me anyway. But my son is so much like I was and I really, truly do think I know where he is coming from.

I am terrified to turn 40. I know that it will be okay...but I really don't want to age numerically! I know that sounds stupid...but I'm good with today. I've gotten used to it, and I just want to stay here.

Dave, my husband used to be upset that he wasn't a millionaire by 30. He used to start all of his complaints that way "I'm already 30 and....(fill in the blank)" But we realize that life isn't about money. Yes, you need it for basics, and it is nice to have the extras, but we have so much more in our marriage, our children, our families. We have lots of time to make money, but we only have now to be with our children and experience childhood with them. Money can wait.

Ok. I'm in. I'm 38. My 20th high school reunion is on the 13th, so I'm kind of nervous about it. On the other hand, I was always heavy all through school and I look a lot better now.

I am pretty much satisfied with where I am in life - husband, 2 kids, career, house, health, hope, etc. Money is not everything, but it would be nice to have extra to make things more comfortable.


I am not ready for 40 either , but what can you do about it except keep on living life to the fullest. I just can't believe it's been so long since I was a kid.

I remember listening to my mom talk about how time goes faster the older you get and thinking "whatever". Guess she was right after all...don't tell her I said so though!

Catch you all later!

DeLynn