Not physically sick (besides the churning in the pit of my stomach), but I'm sick in mind, soul and heart. I have been reading Christin, Becky and Deni's blogs and I'm just devastated.
I joined Kimkins as so many did after the Woman's World story hit the stands. And thought I'd finally found my miracle diet. It worked!! I did the original kimkins plan and stuck to it like glue. And the pounds came off. 57 pounds in three months! Incredible!
When there was anti-kimkins talk, I ignored it. But when Christin left, it really shook me. I apologize for saying this, Christin, if you read this, but Christin was my hero, my inspiration. I didn't care who Kimmer was, she wasn't the one I was looking up to. So after Christin left, I started to search for the reason why.
When I started reading the blogs, it was a wake-up call. I realized that my eating was completely unhealthy and I was exhibiting behavior that was bordering on (if not all the way there) an eating disorder. I was obsessed with fitday, terrified of carbs and terrified to eat any food that I didn't prepare myself. Even on vacation, we ate in our hotel room, so I could buy food at the grocery store and read all the labels. Even when I realized my calories were too low (for a long time, I had bought the party line about the starvation myth), I had mental trouble increasing them by too much. I started doing my fitday in the morning, planning what I would eat for the day in an attempt to add more calories. The day I planned an 800 calorie day and then couldn't do it and had to adjust down, I knew I was in trouble. I'm 38 years old, have been on a myriad of diets, but never had an eating disorder before. But what was my behavior saying?
Two weeks ago, I stopped fitday, as I knew I couldn't change my eating unless I stopped keeping track of it. I switched to Phase 1 of the South Beach diet, with the exception of adding a serving of fruit every second day. The first time I had fruit (strawberries), I had a headache for hours.
Now, I have to worry if I've done any damage over the past months. I'm scheduled for a physical on Thursday and I had been happy about going. I was going to be so proud to stand on that scale. Now, I'm terrified to have to tell my doctor what I did and ask her to run tests to make sure I didn't hurt myself. I pulled off the summaries for the three months I did a fitday. For my first two months, my average calories are under 500 per day. I can't imagine what my doctor is going to say. Even worse, I can't believe I ate like that and thought I was doing a good thing.
I didn't have a cheat free day counter on kimkins, but I can honestly say, I didn't cheat once on kimkins. Not a bite of anything off program. Now, I wish I hadn't been so "good". And now that's what's making me feel so sick. I thought I was doing the right thing and realize how seriously off the mark I was. I feel so dumb, so gullible, and so sad. And scared. What on earth have I done?
I'm so upset, I can't sleep. I've been up since 3 AM, my mind awhirl with all that I've learned and all my worries. So thanks to Jimmy for this forum where I can come and unload to people who will actually understand.
Thank you so much to the lovely former kimkins ladies who have had the courage to post their blogs and help others to get out of this disaster called kimkins. I resisted so hard, but you got through to me. I wanted so badly to believe everything kimkins promised and so I did. I let my common sense be overruled by my vanity and I deeply regret that.
So now, here I am, feeling sick at heart, worried I've done damage to my organs and afraid that my metabolism is shot. But I'm hoping for the best and relieved that at least I'm not alone.
Thank you for listening.

I understand exactly what you are talking about!! I have been there done that. I did Kimkins strictly for a couple months. Ok maybe it isn't the best diet to do but it sure gave me a jump start on my weight lose. I am so thankful for that WW article. If I hadn't seen that magazine in Wal-Mart I would still be over 270!! Yes I have lost alot of hair but it will grow back. I kept reading and studying and came to Jimmy's Forum when he started it. I have struggled with the decision of what plan to be on for over a month now. I have just stayed the same with my weight while making that decision. I have not used it as an excuse to add carbs back in. I am still cheat free!! Our bodies are amazing and very forgiving. I bet you haven't done any permanent damage yet. Just add those good fats back in and some good for you veggies. Don't stress too much and don't go overboard by adding too much back either. I think that you will come up with a happy medium and keep losing just like I am!!! Good Luck and you are in a safe and caring place now!!
Pam

Hi Overachiever,

You are in good company! There are many here who came here feeling just like you. We all have felt lied to, hurt, fear of damage to health, and fear of food--what do I eat now? I don't want to gain it back! I'm afraid of fat! I am afraid of calories! Most of us are still dealing with ED thinking. Try going to the thread-transitioning from Kimkins where you will find lots of good advice. There is an area here where you can investigate different low carb plans to decide what is best for you.

Takes some deep breaths, relax, give yourself time to heal mentally, emotionally, and physically. Just watch your carbs and keep them low until you decide what you want to do and you won't have to worry about gaining. Spend some time looking around the site, you will re-connect with old friends who left KK.

I left a little over 2 weeks ago, I am doing Atkins, and I feel so much better. Not to mention food tastes so much better! And I am still losing! Woohoo!

Best of luck!
Carol

Hi Overachiever,

Please calm down and don't freak out just yet. What you are hearing are worst case scenarios. The human body is resilliant and can survive many insults without permanant damage. You lost almost 20 lbs. a month but you were on the plan 3 months not 12 or 13 months.

I know Kimkins was a bum trip for a lot of people, but the best thing you can do is just pick yourself up and move on. We were all duped, so please don't feel like the "lone ranger". The good part is you are 60 lbs. lighter and that is an awesome place to continue your journey from. Let us know how you make out at the doctor, and good luck!

((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) all around.

We understand... for we feel the same way...

I"m glad that you are here, and I'm glad that we can all "get better" together.

I've got to run out for a bit... but wanted to at least offer my hugs before I go!

Smile... take a deep breath.. you made the first step... and each one after this gets a little easier.

Overachiever - ((HUG)) I'm here.

I'm so sorry that my leaving shook you so bad, but I know that it was for the better. You are working now to make a healthier life for yourself. I can "hear" in your post your desire to make your weight loss goals a reality and you still can! All is not without hope. Like the others have said, you CAN continue. I know that adding in fat and veggies and calories is scary. It took me several months to get comfortable with it. Healing is a process and we are here for you and will continue to be here to help you and everone else along the way.

Please feel free to PM me anytime. I'd love to help you any way I can.

((HUGS))

Christin

Anger, embarrassment, sadness, happiness are what I felt after getting banned. Anger that my lifetime membership lasted only 3.5 months, embarrassment that I got sucked into such a scam. I don't consider myself gullible but weightloss is my weakness and she preyed on it. Sad that I had now lost contact with some really good friends. happy that I found this place and most of my friends and that i can do this without that crazy woe.

You are not alone. But what is in the past is in the past. Learn from it and move on to a slimmer you.

Take care

Raewyn

ps take a look at this video it might just cheer you up a bit
http://ktla.trb.com/news/local/

Welcome Overachiever! We are glad that you've joined us here. You are among many here who feel that same way. But things are looking up and you will see success.. the healthy way!

Thank you so much to you all for your warm welcome and calming influence. It's good to realize I shouldn't think worst case scenario. As far as I know, my health is still fine. And I have been changing my diet these past two weeks, adding nuts, a bit of fruit, extra veggies and dairy. So, I am healing and that is a positive. And it helps to realize that there are so many other beautiful, intelligent women who were also duped, so I can't be that much of an idiot. I'm still hurting emotionally, but at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you so much.
And a special thanks to you, Christin. You especially helped me to understand that Kimkins wasn't healthy (a lot of what you said in your blog resonated with me and had such a strong ring of truth that I simply couldn't deny it) and provided the link that brought me here.